Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
