I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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