It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
