You're so nebulous sometimes
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
