Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
