Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
