She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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