Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
