well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
