He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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