I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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