no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize