I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
