you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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