Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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