She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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