No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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