wat bout pragnant strippers??
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize