No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
