i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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