My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
