Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
