I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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