This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize