Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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