I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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