I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She swung at the pinata with crutches
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
