I heard we made out
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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