the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
