I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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