I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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