from now on my penis is your penis
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
