I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
