my mouth tastes like poor choices
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
