we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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