Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
