I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
