you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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