why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
