he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
