i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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