Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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