You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
