This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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