I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
