i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
