you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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