I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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