ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
