Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize