Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
