Yo dont text me then not text me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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