He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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