I cockslap morals
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
