i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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