So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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