I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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