You work out of a Hotel?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
