After last night, I could never be a politician.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
