I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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