he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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