Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
