I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
