I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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