Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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