His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize