You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize