His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
