i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
