I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
