my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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