I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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