I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
