quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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