Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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