There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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