You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize