Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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