Jerry, you need to find god
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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