So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
