he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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