All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
