so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize