I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
