Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
