maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
be right there i have to get my cape
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
