I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
