Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
