I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
