JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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