We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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