forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
