he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
