I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The air was thick with penises
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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