The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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