Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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