are you still at the devil's house?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
