It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
