"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
