not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
