I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
