I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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