I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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